Mommy Angst

As with all things pertaining to our children, we take things very personally even when they are completely out of our control. My latest tale of angst is due to the fact that my oldest is going to have a Tonsilectomy on the 24th of February. I am beside myself because of it. This has been a long and painful decision! We have known that he needed his tonsils removed for some time, but I have delayed because of several reasons. One of those reasons being the fact that I of course want to protect him from any pain that is not necessary. Several years ago, my little guy broke his arm. And as far as broken arms go, he did a pretty bang up job of it. Not to mention the pain he suffered because of some Paramedic Trainee that didn't know how to do his job, and two nurses that had an absolutely terrible bedside manner. When a paramedic calls in  to the hospital with information as to what will be arriving, the actions taken by the nurses and doctors are primarily based from that. This paramedic trainee (even though I heard the break, and it was obvious as my sons arm was caved in in the area the bone had snapped) reported a strain! HELLO???? So, my son sat in the ER for several hours with no pain meds (the nurse on duty would not give him any because he needed a doctors approval and until the xrays came back...welll you know....not even Tylenol). I was fuming mad. The worst part is, that when the X-rays came back with the obvious break....then it was hurry up and get it fixed and give him something. Of course, then we had a terrible nurse that couldn't get the IV in place on the first, or second, or third try...all the while my son is screaming at me to make her stop! What is a Mom to do! Yes, I wanted to HURT her! That is a normal Mommy reaction I think....when someone is causing pain to your child, and the fact that they let him sit in pain for several hours! So, back to my angst. We have known that he has needed his tonsils removed, but my son is severely afraid of the hosptial and needles due to his first experience. Nothing I can do about that now, except assure my son that everything will be okay. So, a week prior to his surgery we go in for blood work. I am torn in knots wondering how he is going to deal with this. I myself hate having blood drawn, but hey, after three kids it isn't such a big deal anymore. He, however, has only had this one experience. Luckily Daddy was with  us today. He was a champ! Made it through with just a little "ouch" and nothing else. His face went into the "I think I might cry, but I am not sure" face. I stroked his cheek and all was well. I, however, did shed a tear. I think for many reasons; he is growing into quite the little man, and he was so brave....pride! Pride in my little man! Next week still looms over my head. I feel like it is my fault. You know, as Moms we want our kids to be perfectly healthy in every way and not ever be sick, or have pain, or need to have any surgical procedures. I want to take it all from him and do everything for him. I wish I could. I would much rather it be me having my tonsils taken out next week than him. I can suck it up with the best of them! I know that he is brave. He puts on quite a brave face, but he is the most gentle soul I know. He takes everything to heart and carries it with him. I love this quality about him and hope it never goes away. Making this decision was one of the hardest ones I have had to make! I know that in the long run it is for the best, it is getting past the next couple of weeks that is going to be rough. The need to protect him from pain and FEAR is what kept me from making the decision a year ago. The decision has been made and now we go forward. I pray for a speedy recovery and a great medical team.We passed the first test today and I couldn't be more relieved. Next week looms over me and I pray that everything goes as smoothly as today. I will be on pins and needles until then. No one ever mentioned how difficult being a Mother really is!